Boost Self-Esteem
By: Alexandra DeWoskin, MSW, LCSW
Here are some simple thoughts on self esteem and self-worth. We spend so much time and energy seeking out external validation in an effort to define our self-worth. While external validation, compliments, and love are great and necessary…they are external sources and not always available.
Real self-esteem/self-worth is created from within. We can get all the external kudos in the world, but if we don’t feel it inside, no amount of external validation will be enough to sustain our happiness.
Self-esteem is created by accomplishing things (big and small) coupled with the self recognition of those accomplishments. It requires us to take personal inventory of our strengths and abilities, being at peace with who we are, and becoming our own personal cheerleaders who celebrate all of our successes no matter how small.
Self esteem building is a cumulative process (see our related post). Every little accomplishment and acknowledgement of it counts.
If we have no cake, there is no place for the icing to rest and adorn. So, we attempt to sustain ourselves with a sugary icing high that wears off quickly leaving us craving more. If we have a strong cake, we can tap into all the sugar we need, even when there is no icing available. We must also remember that we are self-defined, not defined by others.
Finally, the practice of mindfulness, rooted in eastern forms of meditation has become mainstream not only in cognitive behavioral therapy practice but also has become a popular and effective way for people to maintain a position in the present via a moment-by-moment awareness of thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment.
It involves self-acceptance or our thoughts and feelings without judgment in the now rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future. Please see some of our other articles on mindfulness.
On the road to becoming more masterful being in the now and self acceptance, utilizing the tools of self-talk and motivational messages or affirmations can come in handy as we practice. I have found meditating on inspirational quotes and other words of wisdom help to remind me of my power and that all the self-worth I need can be found from within.
I like to search for quotes and I keep a Pinterest board of all my favorites to reflect upon. But, perhaps you are more visionary and would like to create a vision board to collect words and pictures that bring you to an inspired and empowered place.
I’m sharing some of my personal favorite quotes that speak to self-worth:
- Start every day with a grateful heart.
- I am in charge of how I feel and today I am choosing happiness.
- Never waste your feelings on people who do not value them.
- The person who broke you can’t be the one to fix you…remember that.
- You cannot change the people around you, but you can change the people that you choose to be around.
- When thinking about life….remember this: no amount of guilt can solve the past and no amount of anxiety can change the future.
- Sometimes your circle decreases in size, but increases in value.
- Sometimes you have to give up on people, not because you don’t care, but because they don’t.
- Because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
- Always trust your gut. It knows what your head hasn’t yet figured out.
- Worry about loving yourself instead of loving the idea of other people loving you.
- Happiness is an inside job. Don’t assign anyone else that much power over you.
- What you allow is what will continue.
- The way people treat you is a statement of who they are as a human being. It’s not a statement about you.
- People, who create their own drama, deserve their own Karma.
- The first step to getting what you want is having the courage to get rid of what you don’t.
- Angry is sad’s bodyguard.
- And sometimes against all odds, against all logic, we still hope.
- There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn’t jump puddles for you.
- Two things prevent us from happiness; living in the past and envying others.
- The key to happiness is letting each situation be what it is instead of what you think it should be.
- Happiness is an inside job. Don’t assign anyone else that much power over your life.
- Of this be sure: you do not find the happy life – you make it.
- The secret of being happy is accepting where you are in life and making the most out of every day.
- Happiness is not a destination. It’s what happens when we pursue any meaningful goal and feel like we’re making progress towards that goal.
