Am I addicted to sex?
It’s normal to have sex, sexual urges, sexual thoughts, and sexual drives. Sex can be liberating, empowering, and good for fitness. Further, a neurochemical that floods the brain during sex (oxytocin) supports bonding and reduces stress.
Even more, there is a wide array of sexual activity and appetite that is perfectly healthy. But, at times, people become addicted to sex. So, what’s sexual addiction and how can you know if you (or someone you care about) is addicted?
Maybe you immediately started thinking about your Tindr behavior. Or maybe you’re assuming that people coming out of Steamworks or The Pleasure Chest are “the ones” addicted to sex? Spend much time in River North or Lakeview and you’re pretty much guaranteed to be sold products, dining, and services based on sex. So, what makes sex for some an addiction and not for others?
Let’s start with addictions in general. The mental health field used to differentiate addictions from “normal” behavior when illegal actions were committed. Drink to intoxication every night, but don’t drive, assault someone, or get arrested for being too drunk at your favorite Chicago bar and you wouldn’t have been considered an addict. But, in 2010, the mental health field recognized that people are addicted to things that aren’t illegal; and also, people don’t always break the law to feed their addiction. This was the birth of a term “process addiction.”
Process addictions are similar to drug and alcohol addictions, except that the person is not addicted to a substance, but the feeling brought about by engaging in the behavior they are addicted to. Sex addiction is a process addiction.
Consider this – our brains are wired to create euphoric feelings and reward us when good things happen. Drugs and alcohol are addictive because they impact the amount of these euphoric chemicals our brains release and/or the way they get rid of the chemicals that have previously been released.
An article published in the Canadian Journal of Psychiatry showed that process addictions actually altered the brain reward circuitry (dopaminergic and serotonergic systems) of those suffering from process addictions in remarkably similar ways to the way the brains of those addicted to drugs are altered. Other research has shown that behaviorally addicted individuals have similar symptoms and will undergo similar consequences to those brought about by the addiction to alcohol and drugs.
In other words, the brain’s of sex addicts are rewired to focus on compulsive and harmful sexually related acts, thoughts, and fantasies. These behaviors could include masturbation, sexting, cybersex, sex-app use, pornography, sexual behavior with consenting adults and other behaviors. Obviously, differentiating sexual addiction from “normal” sexual behavior can be tough.
Consider these 4 questions to help determine if you (or someone you care about) is addicted to sex:
- Are you preoccupied with sex (planning for sex or engaging in it) to the point of obsession? In other words, do your thoughts about sex continually preoccupy you? Are they intrusive?
- Do your sexual urges, fantasies, or acts feel out of control? Have you ever tried to quit or cut back and not been able to?
- Do you use sex to escape unpleasant feelings or situations?
- Have you continued the same sexual activity although it’s gotten in the way of your life (e.g., ruined relationships; caused problems at work or school; decreased your interest in nonsexual activities; caused financial problems; impacted your community standing; been illegal; brought about significant shame, depression, or anxiety)?
If it isn’t clear, there isn’t a “right amount” of sexual desire and lots of sexual behavior doesn’t necessarily indicate an addition. Further, sexual practices that don’t follow cultural norms don’t indicate sex addiction. Healthy people show wide ranges of sexual activity and interests. Sexual activity may be sexual addiction when it becomes the only source of pleasure or impairs other functioning (i.e., relationships, work, etc.). So, use the questions to help assess your behavior.
If you are concerned about sexual addiction, you aren’t alone. 3-6% of the general U.S. population suffers from addictive sexual behavior. Resources are available. Consider an appointment with a therapist that understands sexual addiction and can help you live a more free and satisfying life.
