What To Do When You Can’t Decide
Do you get stuck making decisions? Ever say to yourself, I just can’t decide? Most of us have struggled to make a decision at one time or another. Sometimes these are “easy” decisions, like choosing between dinner in Roscoe Village or Southport.
Other times, we are faced with more complex decisions. Now more than ever, decision making is tough. We are in the midst of a presidential election. Chicago is grappling with increasing or decreasing Chicago Police Department funding. And, families with children are balancing decisions about professional demands and demands to children while Chicago Public Schools are educating remotely.
As Jonah Lehrer profiled in his NY Times Bestseller, How We Decide, the best decisions are an integration of both rationality and emotionality. Yet, various situational factors, personal factors, and neurological factors influence us. It can be easy to get stuck when trying to make decisions – paralyzing for many.
Sometimes, making even “easy” decisions is hard.
Difficulty making decisions can be a symptom of stress, but it can also be a source of stress. It leads people to feel insecure, confused, and sometimes even out of control. Yet, “just decide” rarely seems to help people choose. If this sounds like you, consider these 7 tips that help integrate your emotional wisdom and your rational wisdom to make good decisions:
1. List and Eliminate
Often, people get stuck making big decisions because they become overwhelmed. If you find yourself stuck, list all of the alternatives that you can think of. Then, go through the list and eliminate alternatives that are unacceptable to you. If any alternatives are left, then they are good options. Rank the remaining items in order of preference. Decide which one is best to pursue and make a plan of action!
2. Decisional Balance
Sometimes it’s a matter of pros and cons. Simply make a list of pros and cons for each of your alternatives. It’s probable that not all of the factors will be equally as important to you. Deal with this by highlighting the most important points or by assigning a rating scale to each factor. Now look at the balance sheet. Is it balanced or does one side have more “weight?”
3. Consider the Extremes
Alternatives have very different outcomes at the extremes. For each alternative consider, “What’s the best thing that could happen if all goes well?” Then consider, “What’s the worst thing that could happen if things don’t go well?”
4. Bye, Bye Perfection
Psychologists have studied judgement and decision-making for some time and consistently group decision-makers into two groups – maximizers and satisficers. Maximizers consider all of the options, hoping to find what they believe to be the very best choice. Satisficers, on the other hand, only consider the options until they have found a minimally acceptable option. Once satisficers find an acceptable alternative, they make the decision and move on.
Consider the choice for a greeting card. The maximizer would look through every card in the aisle (or maybe every aisle at Foursided, The Paper Source, Walgreens, and Jewel Osco) before choosing. The satisficer would look through the cards only until they found one that was “good enough” and then would choose it. While maximizing a decision seems to mean that you would make a better decision, research doesn’t suggest that’s the case. In fact, maximizers are more likely to show problematic decision-making styles. They demonstrate less coping, greater dependence on others when making decisions, more avoidance of decision making, and greater tendency to experience regret with their decision (Parker et al., 2007; Schwartz et al, 2002).
If your tendency is to keep considering your decision until you’ve considered all the possible alternatives, stop now. You might have already found a number of good alternatives. Instead of looking for the best solution, ask yourself “Are any of these good enough?”
5. Imagine
We all have internal wisdom if we are able to tap into it. The problem is that this can be hard to do. But, using your imagination may be a helpful tool. In your imagination, consider that you have decided on one of the alternatives. Let your brain get wild and play out the decision some. How do you feel? At times, it can be quite obvious when we imagine one alternative versus another just which is more amenable to our authentic selves.
6. 80/20 Rule
80% of the information you need to make a decision is sufficient to make the decision. If you have 80% certainty, make the decision! It’s an illusion that you can have total certainty, so don’t fall into the trap of waiting to decide until you are certain or even close to certain.
7. Talk it Out
It’s become clear to me as a psychologist that most people have made up their minds about decisions long before they recognize that the decision has been made. If you are still feeling stuck, or faced with a complex decision that warrants attention, consider talking it out with someone that you trust or even a therapist. Often, these people can help reflect your clarity and the alternative that you’ve already chosen.
Decision making is tough. It can be especially difficult when you’re stressed or if you face problems with anxiety or depression. That’s okay. The key is to recognize that the more proficient you become at making decisions, the more likely you are to feel clarity, security, and in control.
