What To Do If Your Boyfriend Cheats on You

By: Marcelo Gonzalez

1. Take time to process

Give yourself the space and time to be your emotions and feel them. If you need to cry, cry, if you need to scream, scream.

2. Reach out to your support system

Connect with a trusted, supportive friend or family member. Someone who can listen and not rush to fix it or save you.

3. Be Present

It’s tempting to avoid what happened and pretend nothing happened to avoid painful feelings. Unfortunately, avoidance can lead to festering resentment and miscommunication and whatever problems lie at the core of the infidelity are left unattended.

4. Figure out why

It can be a painful conversation, but it’s better not to assume, yes, sometimes infidelity is compulsory, but often it is a way to draw attention to issues within a relationship. You may not want to hear the details, at the very least it’s important to figure out the why.

5. Assess where you are at

How did you find out? Where were you? Are you comfortable being in the same space as your partner?  Are you safe? Infidelity can bring its fair share of turmoil and chaos making sure you’re okay and safe needs to be a priority.

6. Acknowledge that it is not your doing/fault

So often those cheated on can fall into the trap of taking ownership of their partners actions. It’s not your fault! Your partner is responsible for their own actions. Engage with understanding and the circumstances around your partner’s decision making, and you did not deserve this remember your partner could have communicated their needs rather than cheated.

7. Accept it

Denial serves no purpose in you getting to the other side of this. Accepting it doesn’t make it okay, but it allows you to be honest about the facts of the situation.

8. Take an inventory of your options

It’s important to lean on coping skills to allow for making a definite decision on what’s next for your role in the relationship. Whether you stay or leave, take an honest account of the options and lay them out in front of you.

9. Give yourself time before big decisions

Ending a relationship or staying in it after infidelity is a significant decision, it’s crucial to give yourself some time before deciding. Give yourself a day or two before determining a direction. Be patient with yourself, and let your partner know that they need to be patient with you too.

10. Reassess the relationship

Take a few steps back to look at the relationship not only in the moment but over its course. Is cheating forgivable for you? Don’t rush yourself, if your partner gets frustrated with answering questions and having conversations, and you are left questioning their commitment to rebuilding trust this may mean that it’s time to move on.

11. “Just say no” to social media

This goes without saying but social media is not your friend at this moment. It will only add additional barriers and confusion. Just say no!

12. Don’t look to get even

Actions born out of hurt often only beget more pain. Evening the score won’t help to get on the same page of what to do next. An eye for an eye will just make for a tremendous sparring match but no real solution to relationship woes.

13. Don’t use this as a weapon

Using infidelity to win a disagreement won’t move you towards a common understanding.

14. Seek professional help

Therapy can be intimidating, and a therapist may help process and unpack all the feelings and concerns brought up by infidelity. Communication is vital right now, and a therapist can help you move towards better communication and pushing through the barriers of communication styles.

Use any tool available, this can be your chance at a new relationship whether together or separate you may be able to have a new appreciation, respect and boundaries for one another with help from a professional.