Thoughts on Coronavirus in Chicago: Our New Normal

By: Alex DeWoskin, LCSW

Many people deal with anxiety on a daily basis. But, with the new stress of COVID-19, our normal stressors and being pushed to the test.  COVID -19 continues to push up against the boundaries of even the most emotionally resilient among us. Although some are thriving, many of us are finding it difficult to stay sane, balanced and hopeful.

We are experiencing extended stays isolated at home, balancing working and home-schooling children, disruption of our daily routines, the economic realities, concerns of exposure. Amid the threat of the unknown, loss of control, indefinite isolation, information overload, we are all feeling more stressed and overwhelmed.

All of this affects our ability to be in the moment without flashes of ‘what’s next’ creeping in.  This is bringing us an awareness that this new reality is altering the way we’re used to living our lives.

We must give ourselves permission to feel stressed, then give permission to cheer up!  But how can we feel good when people are dying, front-line workers are overwhelmed, and we can’t see an end to this. Those are very normal questions in this very abnormal time.

But, life is about balance. We can acknowledge the hardships, we can grieve our losses, but we can also heal, continue on, and feel pleasure.  This blog offers some thoughts on our current and collective experience.

Without access to our common coping mechanisms such as exercising at the gym, going out with friends or doing other meaningful activities, finding relief from stress can feel insurmountable. But resiliency and coping through tough times can make you, the people you care about, and your community stronger.

Stress during a pandemic might lead to unhealthy consequences, such as changes in sleep or eating patterns, trouble concentrating, worsening of chronic health conditions and increased use of alcohol, tobacco or other drugs.

Over time, stress can lead to health complication or worsening pre-existing mental health conditions. Constant information about the pandemic can be overwhelming and upsetting.

And constantly searching for answers to find a way to control an uncontrollable situation can add more stress. We don’t know when life will return to normal.

But we do know that there are going to be stages to the rebirth of normal. Knowing this we can carefully make plans. But, try to stay as focused on today, and the most immediate future if you need to look forward.

Everything feels more in control and calm in the present moment.  Of course, if you need to prepare big events that are upcoming, do so, but with the understanding that everything right now needs to be done with flexibility and acceptance that we don’t have all the answers.

Each one of us is having a very unique experience.  Yet, we are all sharing this experience that life is more challenging right now. While there many reasons to feel hopeless, helpless, and defeated, there are more reasons to push through and remain hopeful.

Just as a pendulum swings from one extreme to the other, so will this. We will come out of this on the other side and resume our lives, work, and livelihood. It will take time, and we will feel the bumps in the road.

But it will smooth out. If you can believe in yourself, if you can believe in your neighbor, friends, and family, we will push through this together. And remember that children are the most resilient! They will come out of this just fine if they see us managing it just fine.

We are their models.  If we let them know we will get through this, if we support their needs, if we share the frustrations but fill them with activities that are engaging and fun, this will be just a hiccup in the entirety of their lives.

People with certain psychological characteristics are more vulnerable than others to the effects of staying at home during the coronavirus pandemic.

What works best for one personality type might not be helpful to another. Three personality traits that seem to have especially strong effects on people’s current functioning are extroverts and introverts, and perfectionists. These traits exist on a continuum.

Limited opportunities for in-person socializing, the absence of group gatherings and playing sports, and the decreased variety of activities all make social distancing especially difficult for extroverts.

Although spending time with others virtually may mitigate some of the negative effects of physical isolation, extroverts should try to go beyond online happy hours and Netflix parties and be active, engaging in activities that are new and exciting, and experiencing positive emotions.

Walking, biking and hiking (if possible), as well as exercising indoors. Dance to music, experiment with cooking, art, and home-improvements. Laugh and appreciate humor; watching comedies.

Introverts, who draw energy from being alone and engaged in solitary pursuits, might be adjusting better than extroverts to the current situation.  But introverts also need minor interactions and to maintain relationships and social contacts to protect their emotional well-being and sense of belonging and relatedness.

However, scheduling several Zoom meetings one after another or trying to catch up with all family members in a weekend might overwhelm an introvert leaving them with too much stimulation that can lead them to feel tired, unhappy and inauthentic.

Find a balance and also use this time as an opportunity to focus on your most meaningful relationships and rewarding hobbies or solitary activities.

Perfectionistic people have very high personal standards and become self-critical when they believe they have failed to reach them. They tend to base their self-worth on striving and achievement, ruminate about perceived past mistakes and worry about excelling in the future.

Perfectionists might be at risk for burnout because rigidly adhering to pre-pandemic standards can lead to disappointment, anxiety and depression. Perfectionists need to be mindful to not obsess about information-seeking and over-consumption of the news.

Approach this time as an opportunity to strive for “good enough” in most of your activities. Practice modifying your pursuits or shifting focus and effort from unattainable goals.

Look beyond work as a primary measure of achievement and recognize accomplishments in other area, such as family, partnership, self-care and spirituality. Let go of ‘shoulds’ and accept reality as it is.  Find some self-compassion.

The sadness, the heaviness, and the worry we are all feeling right now is also a form of grief.  Grief is simply the emotional reaction to the loss of someone or something with which we are attached. A wide range of intense, distinct emotions are all part of the process.

Grief doesn’t have an opinion, and is not good or bad, wrong or right. The more awake and present we are to the experience, the more likely we are to move through it productively, and emerge having gained increased resilience, inner balance and transformational growth. Grief creates conditions to venture ever more deeply into the wonders of the soul and push up against the boundaries of our strength and resilience.

No one grieves the same and we are not grieving alone right now. Whether you’re experiencing loss of loved ones, job, opportunities and memories, life as we knew it, safety, freedom, access to people and places, certainty, missed milestones and plans, once you name what you’re grieving, you can start to move through it.

The key is to make meaning of loss.  Be mindful of your feelings and attempt to learn from all this loss and challenge. Grief can linger as moving on from those feelings can seem like dishonoring the loss. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, the pioneer in the study of the study of grief, postulated there are five emotional stages to grief.

1. Denial, 2. Anger, 3. Bargaining, 4. Depression, and finally 5. cyclically, and not in linear order.

Many of us may feel angry or sad, and the next day or moment, feel removed from the whole thing, or resolved until the next day, when we felt hopeless, or boxed in and angry again. Acceptance is where we will find our power, where we can release fear and control, and lean into the process of healing and fully come to terms with what has been lost.  Naming our grief and experiencing its phases can provide a sense of empowerment over what it is we are experiencing.  And, we are all experiencing it – we are not alone.  The grief process is dynamic and ever changing.  Holding everything in arrests the process of grief.

Thus, tucking the held emotion into the tissues of the body can result in physical symptoms such as headaches, a racing heart, destructive patterns of behavior, heart disease, autoimmune and emotional disorders like anxiety, panic disorders and depression, and self-medication through food, alcohol, drugs. Find some comfort in knowing that negative experience is not forever.

Here are ways to help manage this challenging time and reduce stress:

1. Many of us are experiencing forced togetherness and increased tensions. Talk openly about needs and wants, make plans on how to compromise, and check with each other frequently. Make simple, doable plans for how to deal with conflict.
2. Find some control. People need something to hold on to amid a loss of normalcy and control. They need to find things they can control.  Organizing your belongings, keeping a routine and staying connected to people are things we can control.
3. Healthy use of social media. Use it to connect with others, to socialize, to learn, to feel heard and supported.  Try to take breaks from the news or negative social media, and when sharing, try to share some positive news, too.  
4. Take the time to notice the beauty around you. Look for symbols that represent things that make you feel good. Think about what you can look for to feel happiness.
5. Connect with loved ones. Cultivate a sense of community and connectedness.
6. Take “me time”. Create a list of personal self-care activities that you enjoy, such as meditating, hobbies or reading a book. While connecting with others can help, alone time can help you recharge and find inner peace.
7. Take care of your body. Meditate and remember to breath, eat healthy meals. and get plenty of sleep. Avoid turning to alcohol, tobacco or drugs as a way cope.
8. When you move around, your body releases endorphins which can improve mood almost instantaneously.  There are many online virtual options right now. And many are free.
9. Problem solve instead of worrying. While you can’t stop worrisome thoughts from entering your mind, you can change how you respond to them. Instead of worrying, solve the potential problems.
10. Focus on the facts. While many people are becoming infected with COVID-19, know that if you do get the virus, the majority of people have mild to moderate symptoms and recover on their own.
11. Be productive. If the pandemic has left you with extra time, focus on being productive and accomplishing things you’ve been meaning to do. Or use online resources to learn a new hobby or skill, like gardening, cooking, knitting or speaking a new language.
12. Try to keep a normal routine.Maintain some structure, wake up and go to bed around the same time, eat healthily, shower and get ready in the morning as usual. Try to set up a work space that is conducive to motivation, focus and productivity.
13. Take a nap. If done correctly, there is great power in a well-timed nap which can invigorate your energy levels, boost alertness, increase focus, and improve your mood. Keep your power naps to 10 to 20 minutes because you’ll stay in the lighter stages of sleep and not wake up feeling groggy.
14. Listen to music. Take a break and listen to calm music which has a positive effect on the brain and the body. It can lower blood pressure and reduce cortisol, a hormone linked to stress. Listening to nature soundtracks works too—turn on the sounds of a waterfall or rainforest.
15. Drink tea. Opt for a cup of green tea in the morning or midday. It has less caffeine than coffee and contains healthy antioxidants, as well as theanine, an amino acid that has a calming effect on the nervous system.
16. Get some sunlight. Exposure to sunlight releases serotonin, which is associated with boosting mood and helping a person feel calm and focused. Without enough sun exposure, your serotonin levels can dip. If all else fails, look into a light box to mimic the benefits of sunlight.
17. Take a bath or a shower. Seems like a strange suggestion, but you know we’re all becoming a bit more relaxed about this. Submerging into water can help you unwind after a stressful day, lower your blood pressure, increase circulation, make your muscles feel less tense, and just make you feel calmer.
18. Organize your belongings or clean. Cleaning can make people feel less anxious because it provides relief from clutter. Our external environment affects our internal environment and vice versa. If you incorporate mindfulness into your cleaning it can actually be a form of meditation.
19. Volunteer or give back. One of the most exciting things that has come out of the pandemic is the number of people volunteering to help others. If you are able, reach out to those around you that might be suffering and assist.

If the symptoms of ongoing depression linger or are becoming unmanageable, reach out for support. Ask for help if you are in need.  Distance therapy, or tele-therapy, is not for everyone, but it is a great option right now.

If you, or someone you care about, is feeling overwhelmed with emotions or if stress gets in the way of your daily activities for several days in a row, contact a health care provider, schedule a virtual therapy consultation, search for therapists at www.psychologytoday.com  or call Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s (SAMHSA) National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357).