Dealing with Anxiety

Dealing with anxiety is never fun. The truth is, anxiety can be mild to severe, functional to debilitating, and all forms in between. At its core, it is a useful and important emotional state that serves to better prepare us for the future (whether immediate or longer term). However at times it can exceed the limits of what we can handle and even give us intense physical discomfort. In fact, many people are first diagnosed with an anxiety disorder after going to the ER complaining of chest/heart pain.

In helping my clients to effectively manage anxiety, I view it as the emotional outcome of a specific thought/pattern of thoughts in our mind. In other words, the way we think about (or perceive) a situation (our “narrative” of the event) becomes the catalyst for whatever emotional response we are going to have.

For instance, if I have a big presentation coming up at work and I think “I hate speaking in public, I’m no good at it, I’m going to do a terrible job and look foolish to my boss and peers” then guess what the emotional experience will likely be….? That’s right, anxiety! Of course you would feel worried and nervous about the presentation if this is your mental conversation about it.

Anxiety and the narrative

In order to change the emotional outcome (i.e. the anxiousness) the most effective path is to try to change the internal narrative. One approach I encourage people to try is something I call the “comma but’s.” Whenever you catch yourself having a negative thought, instead of ending the sentence there, (i.e. with a period) we change it to a comma, and then challenge the negative thought.

For instance, “I hate speaking in public and I’m not good at it, but I will practice saying it in the mirror and then in front of my family until I feel a little more confident.”

Suddenly the level of anxiety isn’t nearly as intense, and it goes from debilitating to functional – I’m worried about not doing well so I will prepare in a different way. Because we are now using our anxiety about the event to motivate us to prepare in a different way, we will be more successful.

Identify Negative Thoughts

By identifying the negative thoughts that serve as barriers, we can begin to eventually challenge them. This process is not always easy to do but with increased mindfulness and practice this will become easier in time. Think of it as a new skill.

We aren’t typically used to thinking about our thoughts, so working with a therapist may be a helpful option. Remember that like any other new skill, it takes time and practice. Staying patient will be very important.

Once you are ready to begin challenging the negative thoughts, the next step is to come up with possible alternative thoughts. To be clear, you don’t have to actually believe these alternative options, it’s just important to take the time to consider as many “comma but’s” as possible.

For each negative thought you catch, try to find one or two new alternative thoughts that challenge the initial one. Trust this process, and be mindful of the impact on your anxiety along the way.

Think about how each of the alternative thoughts make you feel or change the situation. Are you finding yourself exploring new solutions to the stressors? Are you feeling significantly less anxious? Are you starting to create a new path to success? Keep going, because you will.

Final Thoughts

One resource I would like to recommend is the book, The Four Gifts of Anxiety. Inside, you will find page after page of meaningful information that speaks to this construct of anxiety and our self-narrative. This is something I have recommended to clients and friends because it speaks to the possibility of home with anxiety instead of helplessness and despair.

Remember, don’t give up on the process. Dealing with anxiety is not easy, and can be downright miserable. Try using the “comma but” approach and remember to stay patient and kind to yourself along the way.

And please remember that by changing our mental narrative you can significantly impact your anxiety and help yourself utilize that negative feeling for a productive and successful outcome. Who would have ever thought that anxiety can actually help you become more successful?!?

Thank you for visiting 2nd Story Counseling online! Please Like us on Facebook, Circle us on Google Plus and Share on Twitter!