By: Costa Provis, LCPC, CPC
Quite often while helping some of my clients in Chicago, I assist people create their “best-self” list. The idea is that you identify as many characteristics, behaviors, attitudes, feelings, etc. that are present in your life during times that you feel at or near your best.
Then during times when you aren’t at your best, you can borrow items/actions from your best-self list to help improve your situation.
For instance, when you are feeling and doing well in life, are you more social, more productive, think about challenges a certain way? Then in theory when you are not feeling as great you tap into these same thoughts and behaviors.
There’s more to this concept, but for now I wanted to focus on a very specific characteristic that I have found while helping others: that nearly all “best-self” items involve some level of delayed gratification in one way or another.
Related: Procrastination busters
While many of the things people struggle with, or sometimes even hate about themselves, involve giving in to the impulse of immediate gratification. This impulsivity is where a lot of compulsive behavior, addiction, and poor decision-making exist. It’s where you experience fast, short bursts of relief or even pleasure and joy, but at the expense of your own greater good.
Yet as negative as immediate gratification can be, why is it so common that you give in to these impulsive thoughts and actions so readily? And maybe more importantly, how can you become someone who utilizes (maybe even enjoys) delayed gratification in your life?
Delayed Gratification leads to a greater sense of accomplishment and success. Because you are more connected to the bigger picture, and take small steps towards meeting your bigger goals, as opposed to giving in to the impulse to quit, therefore not learning how to overcome discomfort and challenges.
Immediate Gratification feels good. I wouldn’t suggest that it does not, but giving in to the quick-fix feel good nature of procrastination, or addiction, or compulsive eating usually keeps you feeling stuck and ultimately not that good about yourself.
Consider how good you feel about yourself when you are regularly working out, or chipping away on a larger project? Compare that feeling to the quick-fix “good” feeling of skipping that workout or putting off working on that project.
There are good feelings that come from delaying your gratification, but to reach them you must first learn how to not give in to the urges of immediate gratification.
Here are three ways to start delaying your gratification, and therefore start building greater success:
- Make goals. Without a goal to work towards, you are at the mercy of the dopamine-fueled pleasure burst you get when giving in to your impulsive urges. Having a goal that you can break down into tangible, measurable steps is very important to keep you on your path. If possible, tell people about your goal. This will help to create external accountability, which is a truly powerful motivator. As you work on your goals, mindful about delaying your gratification, that old urge for immediate gratification will definitely rear its ugly head in your life. It’s important to stay strong in your pursuit of your goal though, and not procrastinate while taking the steps along the way.
- Be more self-disciplined. This, of course, is the opposite of impulsive. By not procrastinating you are already well on your way towards self-discipline. Hold yourself accountable! Because you said (or thought/planned) on taking a step towards your larger goal, you take that step! This creates what I think is ultimately even more important than external accountability, which is internal accountability. Highly successful people are almost always highly self-accountable too. Stick to your plan.
- Change your mindset. A hell of a lot of what is stopping you from reaching your goals and feeling successful in life is all happening right inside your mind. Quit telling yourself to give up. Stop thinking of yourself in a negative light. Start taking small steps and break the impulse of giving in to immediate gratification, and you will almost instantly start feeling more successful. This isn’t a trick, so much of getting the many benefits that delayed gratification offers is all about having a more positive and driven mindset. Changing your mindset will change your actions, one small step at a time.
Here is an example of how these three things can work together:
- Let’s say the greater goal is to get in good physical shape. Then the smaller steps towards that goal will be to workout at a gym 3 times per week, to jog 3 times per week, and to limit carbs and trans-fat from your diet.
- Have the self-discipline to stick to your workout schedule, and not give in to the urge to skip today’s workout or run. Make a workout calendar, even share it with friends. At the end of the day give yourself a pat on the back for sticking to your game plan – because you were successful on today’s goal.
- Instead of viewing yourself as a person who is not in good shape, or maybe even worse considering how cruel we can sometimes be to ourselves, try viewing yourself as a person who is facing a challenge, trying their hardest, and making progress. Can you imagine how sticking to these three steps over a period of time can greatly change your life.
In conclusion
Regardless of the goal, by tapping in to delayed gratification and stopping the impulsivity of immediate gratification your life will improve. You will achieve your goals. You will be more successful. It’s kind of ironic that the immediate gratification you associate with feeling better is actually the very thing making you feel worse or keeping you stuck in your self-made rut.
Like I said before, this is not a trick. I am giving you the keys to improving your life and being more successful, so what are you waiting for? Unlock the door and reap the many benefits of delayed gratification.
