Alex DeWoskin, LCSW
I recall entering into 2021 with tremendous hope for a new year. We had fought the good fight with the pandemic and a vaccine was just around the corner. I felt hopeful that this road block was coming to an end and we would return to our “normal lives”. I recall feeling the same way entering into 2022, but with a little more realism. As we continue our treck through another year filled with some of the same uncertainties and even more new challenges, I am proceeding with caution but also focusing on creative new ideas and hopes that are more within my control. I am not pessimistic this year by any means. But I am embracing realistic expectations and the fact that it’s a “new normal” that will meet us…and we don’t yet know what that new normal will be.
If you really think about it, our lives and histories are filled with new normals. We get used to changes and we move forward from the loss of what was before. We learn to thrive in what is new until it is no longer new. We do this over and over. It’s part of evolving and we never know what the future holds. We are constantly adjusting and assimilating to new policies, mores, technology, relationships, jobs, societal and cultural changes. What we’ve been going through the past 2 years may have been very challenging, but it is only one of the many shifts we have experienced and will continue to experience in our lifetime. I find hope from that history.
After, 9/11, we experienced many changes in the way we live life and travel. We have become very used to those new procedures and outlooks. And they are no longer new or out of the norm. We didn’t always have to take off our shoes at airport security. Every change, big or small, becomes a new normal. And, we get used to them.
Many of my clients talk about the fatigue and frustration they feel with the continuation of the way things have been, coupled with unrest abroad, and new economy challenges. It is normal and appropriate to feel that way. So, we talk, process, journal and try to move from that place of feeling stuck to a place of hope and productivity. I remind my clients there are so many things that we do have control of and to be hopeful for, even if those things are hard to see when we are struggling. I have one client who is being courted by two new employment opportunities, another considering getting a pet, another starting a yoga teacher training, one considering where they want to live next. They talking on endeavors that are well within their control. I have a client who has taken her heartbreak about Ukraine and manifested it into spearheading a pretty successful donation and relief effort. Even being in therapy and other self-help activities are things we have control of and only serve to help you evolve.
What is happening in front of us in not the end of the story. It is only what we can see. Hope can be found in not demanding a specific outcome, but remembering that, over the course of life, things have been bleak before and maybe even bleaker than now. But, we respond and rise to these occasions of adversity. We can find hope in that history of rising up and persevering. We can find hope in the ordinary things that help us sustain our energy and optimism. And, we can find hope in our sense of community and shared experiences…riding through tough times with others. Here are a few ways to face challenging times.
- Start by making a daily routine. Outline how you would like to spend your day from the time you wake up to the time you go to bed. Having a routine will give you specific incremental steps to get through the day. And remember to make sure to schedule time for your physical and emotional health, fun, creatively, social connection, and stress relief.
- Set a goal. Even if it’s just one task you would like to complete each day. A goal doesn’t have to be a large, it can be as simple as committing to writing in a journal or teaching your pet a new trick.
- Perform random acts of kindness. These little things make a big difference in someone’s life and you’ll feel better for it.
- Push past obstacles. You will have times that you are stuck. The key is to keep trying to move forward.
- Turn off the news, unplug from social media. It’s okay to take a mental health break and do something you enjoy. The more you can focus on what’s good and right in your life, the more relaxed and comfortable you will be with your day-to-day efforts.
- Take care of yourself. Eat right, drink plenty of water, exercise and get good sleep. Tending to these basic needs will help you keep focused on what’s important and what is good in this world.
- Be Present. While it may be difficult, try to take things one day at a time. And, if that’s too much, one hour at a time.
- Set Boundaries. Make sure you are taking the time and space you need for you.
It is important to remember that any situation is both uncertain and temporary no matter how uncomfortable and enduring it may seem. And, it is okay to not feel good about it. Adjustment is a process that looks differently for most people. It’s not a linear or defined process. Be respectful of where you are in your process (self-compassion can go a long way) and also of where others are. And it’s ok to check in with friends and family to understand how they are faring during difficult time. They might have some great ideas for you. Use times of challenge as time to reflect on who I want to be during the challenging time and after. I made my decision to go to grad school and change careers to become a Social Worker in the months that surrounded 9/11.
Patience and flexibility are really important as we navigate through challenging times and reestablish hope. I know for me; patience is not always a virtue. So, I make sure to deal with small enough portions of time that are manageable for me. But, if you are struggling finding hope as you travel to find that new normal, it is okay to seek out help and support via friends, family, coaching or therapy. This too shall pass….
