How to Deal with Depression Tips
My memories of Papa are often so dissimilar that at times it feels like I am talking about two very different people – like its a dream. On one side of the spectrum was Papa in his bib overalls, building incredible pieces of furniture by hand, as I stood next to him with my piece of wood and miniature hammer mimicking him.
The Papa who always made sure that I had a garden to plant right alongside of his garden or sneak me away to the Porch for the forbidden giant chocolate sundae that would spoil my dinner. The other Papa was lost to me as he would stay locked away in his bedroom or the basement for days.
When that Papa was around the garage was locked up and I was not allowed to go past the porch because “Papa was in one of his moods.” During those times, my Grandma and I spent a lot of time away from the house because as Grandma stated it, “you don’t need to see Papa when he’s like that and Grandma is just tired of dealing with it.”
I experienced both Papas until the day he died. Papa never got help; he never talked to anyone about “moods” and thus lived much of his life in the dark.
If I only knew then what I know now perhaps I could have gotten Papa the help he needed or at the very least I may have understand what was happening with me a lot sooner than I did.
Thus, as I look back I have been around depression my entire life I just never knew it had a name. My first personal recollection was when I was 10-12 years of age, lying in bed with an immense feeling of hopelessness.
I remember feeling out of sync with the rest of the world, alienated from those around me. At times, it felt almost debilitating, yet being forced through life with a compulsory smile because I did not want to “act like Papa.”
For most of my teenage years, I did not want to leave the house and going to school at times felt impossible. However, believing it was typical teen mood swings my parents attempted to make me go to school.
My saving grace at the time was Papa and Grandma who used to let me, sneak over call in sick for me and then I would hide out at their house until the end of the school day.
As I look back now I can see that they were allowing me to work through my depression the same way Papa attempted to work through his depression, by hiding away from the rest of the world until I felt as if I could face life again.
That is how I managed through over half of my life, smiling for everyone so that no one could see I was in “one of my moods” or isolating myself until I could begin the difficult task of crawling out of my dark hole.
It was not until my early thirties that my depression began to lift. I came out as gay, for the first time I did feel like an alien in my own skin and I began to see a future with possibilities.
For a brief time I tried medications such as Prozac and Zoloft but I hated being a twitchy zombie so that did not last long. It was not until much later that my doctor suggested a medication, which helped me to find a balance.
I decided to work diligently at being happy no matter how I felt. Not to say that I did not catch myself falling into the deep abyss, but for a time I just pushed my way through it.
I kept busy I threw myself into my work, school, relationships at times at a frenzied pace. I believed that I had learned how to manage my depression.
As I look back, I probably kept so busy that I ignored the symptoms. However, it worked for a time. That was until the death of a partner and then the spiral downward hit me so fast and so hard I did not even know what hit me.
At first I did what I always did, I threw myself into my work, I took more doctoral level classes, and I worked through my stages of grief. I was however a therapist. I knew what I was experiencing and I had learned all the techniques to get me through this difficult time.
I did need time to process so I slowly pulled away from everyone and before I knew it I had cut myself off from all of those closest to me and when I wasn’t working or in school I was processing, home alone, in bed, sleeping at times for 16-18 hours a day.
I only left the house when necessary. After months of feeling like a walker on the Walking Dead, lying in bed one day I began to yell at myself to “get your ass out of bed and do something to get yourself out of this hole.”
Therefore, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor and quickly got on an anti-depressant, called my own therapist and began to crawl out of the pool of depression where I was drowning.
I am not going to lie; at times, it is a battle. One that I wish I did not face. However, along the way I have learned a few things. I have passed the insight along to many clients and often use my personal struggle with depression as a great icebreaker when a client says, “no one knows how awful depression is, it is just debilitating.”
My response, been there, done that, got the t-shirt, now let us see how together we can get you out of that dark hole.
Therefore, for those of you out there reading this here are 5 Things I have discovered about depression:
- Seek professional help. You cannot manage this on your own, no matter how strong you are. Schedule an appointment with your Doctor to discuss possible medications and find a therapist who you can talk to about the depression. I am a firm believer in utilizing all the resources available to assist you as you process through your own journey.
- Diversions are not the answer. While continuing through life is essential to coming out on the other side of depression, throwing yourself into your work, school, and social life will not magically make the depression go away. Oh, it may mask it for a while, but remember that if the depression does come back (and it likely will with a vengeance), you are much better suited for battle with tools than standing there weaponless.
- Numbing the pain will not make the depression go away. While it may feel temporarily freeing to numb the pain with alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, or endless hours in front of your computer, in the end it will only exacerbate the depression.
- External issues may trigger the depression. Simply put be aware of what is going on in your life and if life begins to feel overwhelming go back to number one. Relationship troubles, financial difficulties, a change in career or living situation, birth of a child along with a plethora of other life transitions may be the catalyst for the depression creeping back into your life. Use the tools you have to hit the depression head on before it hits you.
- Do not be embarrassed to admit you battle depression. Millions of people are out there just like you. They have fought and clawed their way out of the depression abyss more times, than you can possibly imagine and they have made it through to the other side. You can do this!
This is just a small piece of my experience and I hope that if nothing else it helps you to realize you are not alone. If you or someone you know is, battling depression there is help available.
I am recommending a workbook that focuses on the cognitive behavioral approaches for coping with depression – think of this as a kind of starting point.
