Prioritizing Self-Care

Self-Care: A Closer Look

By: Alexandra DeWoskin, LCSW

I often remind my Chicago therapy clients of the hierarchy of importance in care of ourselves and others.  While prioritizing self-care may sound like common sense, many of my clients, especially parents, struggle with this concept initially. I tell them that individually, their self-care comes first.  If they are a couple, then the coupledom comes second.  Kids, if applicable, follow and then everyone else.  I remind them of the analogy of being on a flight and you’re instructed to put the oxygen mask on yourself first in the case of an emergency.  Why?

Because if you’re unconscious, you’re no good to yourself of anyone else for that matter.  And, this is why our own self care must come first so that we can be healthy and function our best for ourself and others. Burning the candle at both ends comes with consequences, which may include burnout, depression, anxiety, resentment and a whole host of other negative implications. Self-care is vitally important. Without appropriate nutrition, physical activity, sleep and relationships, you may be able to get by for a while but will ultimately burnout. It’s not a matter of if but when.

There is a belief that we must always be productive which can ultimately take away from opportunities for self-care – which by the way is productive – that can actually help relieve the pressures of everyday life and increase productivity. Self-care is often the first thing to go when you find yourself in challenging and busy situations. Perhaps the most common reason people give for not participating in self-care is lack of time. As busy as we are, it’s important that we take time out every day for ourselves, even if minimally. It doesn’t have to cost a thing, can be accomplished in the convenience of your own home, and take only a few minutes.

Self-care has been defined as a multidimensional, multifaceted process of purposeful engagement in strategies that promote healthy functioning and enhance well-being. All the stress-relief activities in the world won’t help if we aren’t taking care of ourselves. Self-care means taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. This can help you manage stress, lower your risk of illness, and increase your energy. Even small acts of self-care in your daily life can have a big impact. It is vital for building resilience toward life’s stressors.

Sometimes our body and mind show us when we are lacking in self-care.  We might have difficulty sleeping, changes in appetite, difficulty getting out of bed due to mood, difficulty concentrating, lack of motivation, loss of interest in things normally found enjoyable, inability to complete usual tasks and activities, irritability/frustration/restlessness. And certainly, we may feel burn out, a state of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion caused by prolonged stress.

Engaging in a self-care routine has been clinically proven to reduce anxiety and depression, reduce stress, improve concentration, minimize frustration and anger, increase happiness, enhance relationships, improve self-esteem and self-worth, improve focus and energy, and prevent burnout. From a physical health perspective, it has also been clinically proven to reduce heart disease, stroke and cancer.  And, spiritually, it may help keep us in tune with our higher power as well as realize our meaning in life.

Many of us view self-care as a luxury rather than a priority. It’s important to assess how you’re caring for your mind, body, and spirit. When it comes creating a self-care plan, we need to consider several areas of our lives including:

• Emotional: Tending to our mental health can reduce stress, anger, and anxiety and depression, and increase self-esteem and self-worth. We need to practice self-compassion and maintain a healthy inner dialogue.  Emotional self-care may include activities that help us acknowledge and express our feelings regularly and safely with a partner, close friend, or even a helping professional. You can set aside time to help process your emotions and provide opportunity to relax and recharge. While our emotions are always valid, they may not always match the circumstances. As such we need to assess if our responses to a situation is helping or hurting. By prioritizing your needs and engaging in activities that make you feel good, you send a message to yourself that you deserve care and attention.

• Environmental: It’s important to ensure your internal environment is conducive to feeling safe, peaceful, comfortable, calm, creative, and motivated.  It is equally important to spend time regularly in the external environment as well.   Take a walk somewhere nice, breathe in fresh air, enjoy the sun, enjoy the night sky. Stop and smell the roses as they say.
• Financial: Develop a practical financial plan, start saving (even if $1 per day), cut back on unnecessary purchases, consider where you can cut corners, avoid credit cards, advocate for yourself at work – if you deserve a raise, ask for one.
• Intellectual: Mental self-care includes stimulating our mind and keeping it sharp.
  Read, listen to audiobooks, watch documentaries, complete puzzles, be mindful of the world around you, become curious, try something new, tap into your creative/artistic side, take a class, complete a workshop.
• Occupational: Learn a trade, get your degree, train for a promotion, put together or polish your resume, apply for your dream job, take on a task you enjoy, open your own business.
• Physical:  There’s a strong connection between our body and our mind. We need to take care of our bodies if we want them to run efficiently, increase energy levels, and boost our immune systems. Physical self-care includes fueling your body with healthy food, getting enough sleep, doing enough physical activity, and caring for your physical needs like healthcare appointments and taking medication as prescribed.
• Social: When you prioritize caring for yourself, you have more emotional resources to invest in your relationships. Close connections are important, but often it’s hard to make time for friends.  We can unintentionally neglect our relationships when life gets busy. Everyone has different social needs and falls on a continuum of introvert or extrovert.  The key is to figure out what your social needs are and to build enough time in your schedule to create your optimal social life. So meet up and keep in contact with friends and family, volunteer, stay positive, utilize technology when distance is a factor, and laugh often.
• Spiritual: Nurturing your spirit doesn’t have to involve religion. It can involve anything that helps you develop a deeper sense of meaning, understanding, or connection with the universe. Whether you enjoy meditation, yoga, attending a religious service, or praying, spiritual self-care is important.

Sometimes we just need a short break to distract ourselves from our current emotions until we are better able to cope and bring our emotional state down. These little breaks are also self-care.  Some distraction suggestions include:

• Clean
• Cook or bake
• Cross something off your to-do list
• Exercise
• Get a massage
• Go for a walk
• Listen to music or a podcast
• Make art or be creative
• Meditation
• Mindfulness exercises
• Play a game
• Practice deep breathing
• Read
• Take a bath
• Take a (timed) nap
• Watch TV or a movie
• Yoga
• Call a friend (and don’t talk about what’s causing you distress)
• Describe your surroundings using your five senses
• Do a puzzle
• Do something kind for someone else
• Go out to eat or to an event
• Volunteer
• Watch something funny

An effective self-care plan should be tailored to your life and your needs. It needs to be something created by you, for you. Customizing your own self-care plan can act as a preventative measure to make sure that you don’t get overwhelmed, overstressed, and burned out.  Assess which areas of your life need some more attention and self-care.

Start small and as your situation changes throughout life, be flexible and adjust your self-care accordingly. So, get regular exercise, eat healthy and stay hydrated, make sleep a priority, relax, set goals and priorities, practice gratitude, stay connected, and focus on positivity.  If you feel your tools are not working or just need a little more help, reach out to a helping professional.