Monkeypox is the latest threat, but not the only one facing Chicagoans. Covid, gun violence, climate change, record inflation, and a possible recession threaten our sense of peace, wellbeing, and hopefulness.
In a recent interview with NBC Chicago, I shared that upwards of 90% of the gay men I work with have some level of anxiety about contracting monkeypox. Our Lakeview office has repeatedly heard from clients that “it feels like it’s just one thing after another.” Further, parents are consistently talking about fears for their children’s health and safety as they return to school. All in all, the instability around us is taking a toll.
We all need to build resilience and hope like never before! But, how can we feel a sense of inner control and wellbeing, when times are so chaotic. We have to work on building our mental strength and increasing levels of hopefulness.
Consider these 8 factors to increase your resilience and levels of hopefulness.
1) Deepen your emotional awareness. With all that is going on in the world, it’s easy to think that our negative emotions are the problem. We often expect ourselves to flip a switch and “not feel anxious anymore;” or, too often we judge ourselves for the ways that we do feel. In fact, our emotions can help us deal with reality. There is even empirical support that decisions made with recognition of emotion (in addition to reasoning) are more skillful. The problem is that very strong emotional reactions can hijack our brain’s capacity for reasoning and problem-solving. So, to be resilient and build hope, we must learn to deepen our emotional awareness.
Using mindfulness skills, awareness of physical sensations in your body, and regular reflection, you can deepen your emotional awareness. If you get stuck labeling your emotions, consider using an emotion list cheat sheet. As you become better at understanding what you’re feeling and acknowledging it, you are empowered to manage your emotions. In this way, you will be less likely to be overcome by emotion and will be more resilient.
2) Recognize the stories you tell yourself. Like your emotional awareness and control, understanding your thoughts and underlying belief systems is also key to building resilience for chaotic times. We all have core beliefs and mental models that run in the background of our minds. Like the operating system of a computer, our brains need these beliefs and models to function effectively. Consider what it would be like to walk into a new grocery store if you had no idea how grocery stores function. You wouldn’t know how food was grouped, how to use a shopping cart, or even that you needed to pay for your groceries. Problems arise when underlying beliefs and mental models are distorted. In these cases, you might believe that everything is threatening because there are some threats around. Or, you might expect that all people will reject you because some have. Recognizing these underlying beliefs and the stories you tell yourself is crucial to resilience.
You can improve your understanding of your underlying beliefs with CBT Therapy, as well as through close introspection. Take time to study specific situations throughout your day. Write down the thoughts that you had, the feelings that were related, and the way that the thought provoked you to act. Then, ask yourself how you might have acted differently if you had a different thought. Want to change the story or initial thought, try changing the action! This process will allow you to feel more empowered to meet your goals (e.g., hopeful) and more resilient.
3) Improve your self care. The chaos of the world requires self care. Are you taking care of yourself? Start with rest and sleep! Getting adequate rest is crucial to hope and empowerment. It impacts mental clarity, feelings, and our motivations. Identify the myth that sleeping “gets in the way” and consider just how much more effective you are when you are rested.
Don’t forget to breathe! Sometimes we get caught up in the moment and all of the chaos around us and we hold our breath or our breathing gets shallow. Taking deep, full, diaphragmatic breaths can reset the autonomic nervous system and help us feel more relaxed and capable of problem solving.
Play! Play makes us feel lighter and happier, but it also stimulates the regions of the brain responsible for creativity. By engaging in play, you will be a more creative problem-solver to navigate chaotic times.
4) Enhance your relationships and rely on them. We always need people; and in times of turmoil, we need people even more. We’re bonding animals. To build resilience for chaotic times, create more depth in your relationships with bids for connection. These bids can be seemingly mundane efforts to connect, but their impact is substantial. For example, remembering a colleague loves a certain candy bar and bringing it into the office, shows your interest in connecting and that the colleague matters to you. Likewise, be sure to “accept” bids for connection from others. When your partner points out the window and says, “Look at that bird.” Be sure to look and respond. Even if you don’t care about birds, the connection and relationship are important.
Consider the relationships that you keep closest as well. Are you able to be yourself in those relationships? Do they inspire you? How do you see hope and resilience being built among your tribe? By keeping hopeful and resilient people around you, you learn hope and resilience.
Finally, rely on your relationships. You’ve worked hard to deepen the connections and to choose your closest connections; now rely on them when you feel hopeless. Social connections bolster hopeful thinking as well as resilience.
5) Increase Pathway Thinking. Hope is defined as the sum of agency thinking and pathway thinking (Snyder, et al., 1991). Agency thinking is, simply, motivation to pursue goals. While, pathway thinking is the capacity to develop initial routes and alternative routes to achieve those goals. You can actually enhance your pathway thinking, and hopefulness, by practicing this skill. Take opportunities to slow down and brainstorm ways to get to your goals. If your goal is peace, you might be able to think of many ways to be more peaceful. Brainstorm with others. Notice if you are judging your ideas and commit to just listing ideas instead.
6) Stop rumination. Rolling the pessimistic ideas around in your head eats away at hope and resilience. Develop a habit of catching yourself in the “rocking chair of negative thoughts.” When you notice this pattern, practice mindfully detaching from it or refocusing on something else. For some people it’s helpful to create a nickname (i.e, Salty Sally, Negative Nelly) for the pessimistic voice. Doing so reminds you that the voice is not you; it’s just a thought.
7) Recognize the good. The world may be chaotic and difficult in many ways, but it’s not true that it’s “all bad.” So, recognize the good! You can do this in a variety of ways. Consciously seek out positive news stories; practice gratitude for what is easy or positive in your life; use hopeful mantras; and celebrate the little gains you make.
8) Be purposeful. It’s important to understand your agency to stay hopeful and resilient. A great way to do this is to recognize the differences you can make in areas that are important to you and in other’s lives. Write postcards or make calls for a political campaign; or, identify ways that you can reduce your carbon footprint.
Consider enhancing your generosity. Our natural response to perceived scarcity is to hoard. Start a family charity box where you and your kids add toys, clothes, and games to give to others. By giving, your hands tell your head and heart that it’s okay to calm down.
We can’t control all that is going on around us, but that doesn’t mean that we can build hope and increase our resilience. You can develop a greater inner sense of control in which you understand today’s obstacles as temporary and able to be overcome.
