Holiday Giving and Gifts
It’s that time of year! Less than 2 weeks until Christmas and if you’re like me, the shopping’s not done, not all the decorations are up, cards haven’t been sent, and there’s an office party or church party, or school party every night between now and then. There’s too much to do to even enjoy the holidays. Add to that the wondering about who in the office is going to bring in gifts so you’d better have one ready just in case to reciprocate, whether or not to get something for the boss, and how you’re going to divide up family members to see on Christmas, and it’s easy to see why more and more of use get stressed out every year and see Christmas as one long chore rather than the happiest time of the year.
Or, maybe you’re like many other people who had such bad experiences in their families, such as abuse, violence, neglect, or instability, that the holidays are a painful reminder of what you endured as a child. Maybe you still feel a sense of obligation to spend them with a family member that treated you badly as a child or maybe still treats you badly. All you want to do is crawl under the blankets and wait for the holiday season to be over.
No matter which category you fall into, for many adults, the holidays have lost their joy. Seeing children standing in line at the mall to tell Santa which must have toy they want, the endless appeals by otherwise worthy charities to remember the less fortunate and make a donation, or listening to all the non-Christmas Christmas music on the radio (seriously, if I have to listen to that sappy song about the shoes one more time I’m going to loose it!), can sap all the holiday cheer out of even the merriest Bob Cratchit among us. Whatever your particular holiday stressor, it’s time to turn things around and make the holidays a special time of year.
Start by taking just 10 minutes a day for yourself. Close your eyes, take some deep breaths, and focus on your favorite holiday memory from childhood. If you don’t have good holiday memories, find another good memory to focus on, something that brings you joy every time you think about it. We all have at least one of those from some time in our lives. Try to do this as you notice your stress level starting to rise. It can be in-between errands, on the train to work or back home, or right before the office holiday party. Just be consistent and do it on a daily basis and soon you’ll feel much more relaxed and in a holiday mood.
Second, be the family member you want your family members to be. Be the thoughtful, happy, kind one who does not say anything bad about others at family gatherings, shows genuine appreciation for even the crappiest gift, and helps with preparing the dinner and cleaning up after. While your family members may not always act the way you want them to, nothing you do is going to change that, no matter how much they may have hurt you in the best or hurt you now. Deflect their negativity by being the positive influence and you’ll come out of any family gathering much more calm and relaxed and in a positive mental place than anyone else.
If you don’t have anyone to share the holidays with, find a way to connect with others to celebrate this time of year. Many churches or non-religious charities need volunteers to help with the holiday celebrations for their clients. Start a meet up group for other individuals who would be alone during the holidays and go out for a nice dinner together. Or, attend a holiday performance by a local orchestra or other performing group and talk with the people next to you during intermission and wish them a happy holiday season. The holidays will be here whether you want them to or not; finding a way to connect with others and enjoy them can be much more rewarding than staying home by yourself and waiting for them to be over.
Lastly, whatever you do, don’t overburden yourself. If you have too many invitations and not enough time, don’t feel bad about declining them and suggesting getting together in January instead, and then follow up on that. You can extend the holiday cheer beyond December by stretching some of these events out.
Don’t get stressed about the decorations. Let the kids put up their favorite ornaments and tell them how great it looks and call it a day. If you don’t have children, maybe just pull out a few favorite ornaments and display them on pocket watch display hooks, which you can find at almost any craft store, and augment it with a couple of light up snowmen or angels from Target. Less can be more. Throughout the holidays find ways to connect with the joy that comes with this time of year. Don’t put stress on yourself to give your kids the perfect Christmas or have everything turn out a certain way. The best memories are the unexpected ones.
Choosing to be joyful during this stressful time of year is the best gift you can give yourself and everyone around you.
