Are You a Visitor To The Worry Trap?
By: Alexandria DeWoskin, LCSW
We are definitely living in challenging and uncertain times. There are a lot of unknowns around Covid-19; politics; race relations; employment; the environment, and finances. Even when the world is more “normal”, we don’t hold the answers to all of life’s upcoming roadblocks and dilemmas. While I can’t be sure, I have a feeling a lot of people in Chicago are dealing with this. Goodness knows I hear about it from many of my Lakeview clients.
But doesn’t worry help us become more prepared for what may happen? Doesn’t worry help us keep our spidey sense in tact? Doesn’t worry provide a reality check and help keep our expectations realistic? The answer to these questions is, No. Defined, worry can mean a state of anxiety, distress, concern, or uncertainty over actual or potential problems.
It can mean allowing one’s mind to dwell on difficulty or troubles. And, it can be a persistent mental uneasiness. This doesn’t sound healthy or helpful. Chronic worrying is often driven by a need to make sure things will be OK. But, it will affect your mood; and have detrimental effects on your relationships, work, social life, and health.
Worry actually doesn’t help us plan for the future, something I am a big fan of doing, and help my clients do all the time. Believe it or not, planning for the future is actually a series steps rooted in the present moment, in the now. Worry is firmly entrenched in the future…a place in which we have no control. And, in the present, we harness our power.
Rumination, which is repetitively going over a thought or a problem without completion, is the cornerstone to worry. With that said, worry is neither proactive, preparatory or productive. It is not motivating in the least and actually keeps us stuck. Instead, we just dwell and fear something that is unsure or unlikely to happen in the future. This leaves us exhausted, unprepared and without a plan to deal with this unlikely occurrence even if it did happen.
And, since we can’t predict the future, it is unfortunate wasted energy. When we worry, we often focus on worst case scenarios and all the possible problems that might happen in the future. This process causes anxiety, helplessness, and the inability to think clearly, thus inhibiting our ability to find real solutions.
The alternative to worry is problem-solving. This switches our focus to the now and those things we can actually change. Problem-solving moves us toward more constructive alternatives, and has a more positive effect on our mood, allows us to find potential solutions, and improves our sense of personal efficacy.
There is a big difference between making a strategic plan and worry. Problem-solving is closed-ended and constructive, rather than a continuous stream of thoughts. It is sequential and organized vs when we are upset and our thinking is random and disorganized. Problem-solving is solution-oriented and focuses on possible outcomes instead of on the cause of the situation. It reduces stress and make a person feel less sad and anxious. It improves our sense of self because we feel more empowered, resourceful, and thus more positive about ourselves.
Problem solving involves identifying what the problem is and thinking of possible ways of dealing with the problem. We then choose which of these suggestions seem the best solutions and examine the pros and cons for each. Based on our evaluation of the solutions, we can then develop a plan of how best to deal with the situation by using one or more of the strategies we have thought of. The next step is to put this plan into place. At the end of this process, we step back and evaluate how well we have done in dealing with the problem.
Below are the constructive steps to problem solving:
- Identify and Define the Problem. State the problem as clearly, specific and objective as possible. What are the circumstances that make it a problem? Ask yourself the tough question, “Is this really a problem?” Often our problems are actually just worries in disguise. A solvable problem is one that you have control over and that is happening right now.
- Brainstorm Possible Solutions and Options. Be creative as you may come up with some options that you would not otherwise have thought of. There are no bad ideas when brainstorming. It’s important to push yourself to come up with a few because that’s when you’re most likely to have a new idea, something you haven’t considered before.
- List the Pros and Cons. Evaluate all of your alternatives in terms of their advantages and disadvantages. Pick your favorite couple of solutions and write out the pros and cons of each solution. Doing so will help you decide which solution to try first.
- Decide on a plan. Decide between your solutions. Pick one you can get started on right away, if possible. Then think about the details of executing your plan. Who is involved? What will happen? When will it happen? Why are you doing it? Where will you do it? How will you do it?
- Implement Your Plan. Use the details you described in your plan.
- Evaluate the Outcome. Evaluate how effective the plan was, whether the existing plan needs to be revised, or whether a new plan is needed to better address the problem. If you are not pleased with the outcome, return to Step 2 to select a new option or revise the existing plan, and repeat the remaining steps.
Can you see how worrying can be an unhelpful and futile process, which focuses on things that haven’t happened and yet, and doesn’t produce any real solutions if they did happen? In contrast, problem-solving is a practical and helpful process, which focuses on problems at hand, that need to be dealt with, by devising a clear plan to tackle them.
Strategic problem-solving might need some practice, but it can be really helpful in dealing with difficult here-and-now situations. So next time you find yourself worrying about a real problem, sit down with a piece of paper and try problem-solving. It is more productive than worrying. It will reduce your anxiety and by the end of it you should have a plan of action.
But, if your stressors feel overwhelming and anxiety is winning over your ability to problem solve, please reach out to a helping professional be it a behavioral coach, therapist, or doctor.
